WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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