who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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