So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.