Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body

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  (818): i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body http://tfl.nu/r8xl
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (786)
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  (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

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  (949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz
  Replies (18) Good night (778) Bad night (4856)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

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  (402): Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery. http://tfl.nu/iy17
  Replies (64) Good night (1792) Bad night (9891)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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  (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact.. http://tfl.nu/kbzw
  Replies (42) Good night (922) Bad night (6087)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (14337) Bad night (1143)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know

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  (936): He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know http://tfl.nu/tf12
  Replies (15) Good night (7400) Bad night (1365)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

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  (334): How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing. http://tfl.nu/ut8a
  Replies (4) Good night (3370) Bad night (1103)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, be my cock's hype man.

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  (732): You know, be my cock's hype man. http://tfl.nu/5yns
  Replies (3) Good night (2688) Bad night (915)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...

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  (850): I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away... http://tfl.nu/luji
  Replies (3) Good night (1414) Bad night (501)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?

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  (772): How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/kmhe
  Replies (7) Good night (1253) Bad night (597)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case

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  (775): My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case http://tfl.nu/owkn
  Replies (14) Good night (1770) Bad night (835)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.

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  (215): you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out. http://tfl.nu/raqc
  Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (530)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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  (306): I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus (1-306): you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now. http://tfl.nu/txg4
  Replies (3) Good night (391) Bad night (757)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!

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  (518): I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100! http://tfl.nu/g89y
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (207)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"

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  (904): I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?" http://tfl.nu/r5s7
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (194)

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