Got a toothbrush?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.