I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
not ubering you a puppy