My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
