The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
