So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize