you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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