I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to calm my uterus...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
