Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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