So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
