my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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