I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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