I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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