why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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