i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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