btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
