if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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