Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
