I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
