I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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