we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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