Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
