how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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