Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Two words: nipple clamps
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