he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize