hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
