Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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