The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
