it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
