Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
