Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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