11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So squirting runs in the family.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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