I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
