I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
