I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
