This girl is more easily done than said...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They have beer where we have blood.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
