The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
