remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
