remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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