well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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