Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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