Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
