his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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