don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
