MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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