love makes seman taste better
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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