You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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