You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
