You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
