so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
