cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
