just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
