Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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