Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
