woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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