Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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