Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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