And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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