Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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