her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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