shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
