this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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