it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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