at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize