He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
