just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
