tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
