Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
