I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
