I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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