I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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