And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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